Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I touched a dick in church today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
