he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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