He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
