I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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