If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
