I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My balls are so social today.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
