And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
