i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
