i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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