I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize