i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
