he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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