yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to cum in my sink.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
