I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
