dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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