I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
