While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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