; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
