ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
