does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
