I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
