Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
