i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
