I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
PANTIES FOUND
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