Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just had sex on a roof
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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