It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
