sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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