I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
