i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
