loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
