I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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