THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
