new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
