I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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