so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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