Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
