He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
