What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
