Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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