Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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