Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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