Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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