omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
