i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
