its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just want to make out with him forever
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
