He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize