I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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