we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
