Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
