Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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