Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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