I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
