Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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