my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best revenge is premature balding
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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