I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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