I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
