oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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