whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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