Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
