Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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