3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
