he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
