Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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