i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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