You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
