Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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