I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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