I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
