fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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