i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
