She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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