1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
