I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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