Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
