Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
