wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
