Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
